Mark Drolette

Comic relief from Feith while Bushies lie through their teeth

It really is a shame neoconservative Douglas Feith, current undersecretary for policy for the Department of Defense (“Death Dealer, Level IV” on the federal government pay scale, I believe), is so dangerous, ‘cause the guy comes up with stuff that would otherwise be hilarious. Feith, whom General Tommy R. Franks once called “the dumbest ******* guy on the planet” (no small achievement, considering Dubya also is an Earthling, probably), recently uttered this gem, according to the Los Angeles Times’ John Hendren:

“I don't think that there’s anything in our Constitution that says that the president should not protect the country unless he gets some non-American’s participation or approval of that.”

I can hear some of the rejoinders now:

“Hell, yeah!”

“That’s right!” and

“Huh?”

Feith’s wacky crack alludes to the Pentagons’ formal approval, per Hendren, of “provisions for launching preemptive strikes against nations thought to pose a threat to the United States.” Hendren again: “The changes codify the more assertive defense policy adopted by the Bush administration since the Sept. 11 attacks and are included in a ‘National Military Strategy’ and ‘National Defense Strategy,’ reports that are part of a comprehensive review of military strategy conducted every four years.”

Perhaps, though, I’m being too unkind to the likes of Feith and similarly-minded PNAC pnumbskulls. Sure, they’ve all prodded us into a criminal war that’s knocked off 1500 American soldiers and 100,000 innocent Iraqis, physically and emotionally crippled countless others, poisoned an entire country with depleted uranium for generations to come, cost the U.S. untold billions of dollars, invited worldwide enmity, and provided genuine terrorists a country-sized training facility absolutely scot-free, not to mention their organizers a guaranteed pool of jihadist trainees for decades down the IED-laden road.

But we all have feet of clay, right? So what if some folks’ heads are similarly constituted?

So, to be fair, let’s look at Feith’s point (no, not the one atop his clay cranium), even if he is, Franks-ly speaking, TD*GOTP.

What I’d like to ask is this: Just who is this non-American to whom Feith alludes? And how did he or she acquire this astonishing power to trump George W. Bush (which I thought only the possessed Dick Cheney possessed)?

Given a certain exasperating, broken-record GOP obsession, it’s quite possible Feith really is pointing a barely-disguised middle finger at Bill Clinton, because as any neocon worth his defense industry stock knows, all ills bedeviling America today, from terrorism to Michael Jackson, are the fault of our last elected president.

This would also mean, of course, that Clinton lied on his application for president about being a U.S. citizen -- twice. Where is Ken Starr when you really need him?

Honestly, though, the only thing that’s barely disguised is Feith’s Bushspeak attempt at suggesting that America’s security is somehow in the hands of others, like, oh, hell, I don’t know, maybe some sort of world body along the lines of, we’ll just say for example’s sake, the U.N., for instance.

Indeed, the neocon-reviled United Nations is, of course, exactly to what Feith refers, an insinuation comprised of such pure hogdoodle that only overwhelmingly stupid Americans would believe it, and just how many of those can there be?

Uh…

OK. Moving on, I discovered a couple of minor flaws with America’s attack-first-don’t-even-ask-questions-later-pal-if-the-word-“rendition”-means-anything-to-you policy, despite Feith’s best efforts at acting the distracting fool:

One: It’s kinda arrogant and intimidating. Yes, I know, that’s exactly the point, since the ruling fascists in the White House consider these as mighty fine traits. Used to be, though, as recently as One B.C. (Before Cowboy), there was this thing called “diplomacy.” It’s an ancient Spanish word, I think, or Canadian, the literal translation for which means: “Understanding there’s more to the world than Texas barbecue and blowin’ up stuff.” Some of you may even remember back in the good old days (like when Richard Nixon was considered a stone-cold lock for worst president ever) when we’d make fun of the French, yet actually refrain from renaming foodstuffs. Now that was diplomacy.

Two: If this type of official idiocy -- I’m sorry, strategy -- emanates from a country’s leadership that avoids honesty like the plague or a forced viewing of Gigli (actually, there may be no other kind), especially when it comes to justifying the invasion of a land full of people who don’t appreciate being killed for their own good and, well, their own oil, it tends to tap into other countries’ trust issues. This is magnified when the bully nation that owns way more tons of super-duper-extra-mega lethal weaponry than anyone else, and thinks it a kick to blow children, women, and men to bloody bits while crowing about its love of peace, seems to be particularly devious when it spews untrue news of a nuclear hue.

Three recent examples:

• From Dafna Linzer of the Washington Post, March 20: “In an effort to increase pressure on North Korea, the Bush administration told its Asian allies in briefings earlier this year that Pyongyang had exported nuclear material to Libya….But that is not what U.S. intelligence reported…North Korea, according to the intelligence, had supplied uranium hexafluoride -- which can be enriched to weapons-grade uranium -- to Pakistan…[which then] sold the material to Libya. The U.S. government had no evidence…that North Korea knew of the second transaction.”

It’s like I’ve always said: Why let truth muddy up a good story of foreign intrigue?

• On the domestic disinformation front (some call it lying), Matthew L. Wald of the New York Times reports on March 20: “Internal Energy Department e-mail messages written in preparation for seeking a license to open a nuclear waste repository at Yucca Mountain in Nevada show that the department made false claims about how it carried out its work.” Wald writes that “some instruments that were apparently used to measure conditions inside the mountain were certified as having been calibrated…even before the equipment was received” and “Other instruments…were used for months without calibration.”

Who needs exact measurements when wild guesses will do? It’s only radioactive material we’re talking about, for cryin’ out loud.

A March 26 article by Erica Werner of the Associated Press states: “Yucca Mountain…is planned as a repository for 77,000 tons of defense waste and used reactor fuel from commercial power plants. The material is supposed to be buried for at least 10,000 years…”

10,000 years! Or: One hundred centuries. Or: About as long as it seems since Dubya’s initial appointment. What if by the year 12005 (Zager and Evans were the names) our thoughtful instructions warning our descendants not to play with all that cool-looking glowing stuff is in a language that sounds to them like only so much gibberish? (You know, like how Bush’s language sounds to us now.)

• Back to our insane incumbent’s international intelligence-insulting insufferableness (involving India in this instance):

On March 26, Peter Baker of the Washington Post reports: “President Bush rewarded a key ally in the war on terrorism…by authorizing the [unlimited] sale of F-16 fighter jets to Pakistan, a move that reversed 15 years of policy begun under his father and that India warned would destabilize the volatile region.”

Yes, in case you were wondering, these indeed would be the same Pakistan and India that both possess nuclear bombs, are as compatible as Ann Coulter and any sane person, and, per Baker, “have fought three wars in the past half-century and have come close to the brink many more times…”

Baker quotes ex-senator Larry Pressler (R-SD), who 20 years ago wrote legislation eventually leading to both the termination of a then-deal to sell 28 F-16s to Pakistan and Daddy Bush’s subsequent restriction on such sales to Islamabad:

“This is just a disastrous thing. It raises Pakistan, a country that doesn’t stand for anything we stand for, to the level of India,” which, as Baker notes, is the most populous democracy on the planet.

With all due respect to Pressler, I think he may want to take a closer look at that Pakistani-American values (Bush era) comparison thing again.

Anyway, you see how dreary all this characteristic Bush duplicity can be after a while. That’s why it makes sense, in a Rovian sort of way, to have someone like Feith distract us serfs by acting as our macabre king’s clown messenger.

It’s only appropriate we exit with another Feithism. In Hendren’s piece, Feith, somehow trying to tie the age-old unpredictability of the world’s next hot spot to America’s new, improved, lemon-fresh policy of attacking any country the dart hits on the map during break-time down in the old War Room, proclaims: “I dare say that if anybody before September 11, 2001, was listing places that we would want to focus on as a matter of priority, Afghanistan would have been rather low on the list.”

What a joker this guy is! Even though former counterterrorism coordinator Richard Clarke was all but setting fire to the White House to get anyone in it to pay attention to al-Qaeda and Bush got a memo a month before 9/11 entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US” and the CIA post office had Osama’s forwarding address of “General Delivery, Tora Bora, Afghanistan” on file and former CIA Director George “Anything for the Cause Including My Career” Tenet warned that “the system was blinking red,” somehow no one but absolutely no one could have known before that dreadful day that big trouble was brewing for the U.S. in the land of the Taliban. That Feith, he’s some card all right.

There is one basic problem with his act, though: It actually isn’t the least bit funny. In fact, his and the administration’s routine doesn’t leave anyone dead laughing.

Only dead.

Copyright (c) 2005 Mark Drolette. All rights reserved.

The fashionable politics of face-spiting

My neighbor’s poodle died the other died. It’s very sad, of course. What’s worse is now I have to take my dog out back and shoot him.

He’s not ill. In fact, he’s in perfect health. But because my neighbor has endured a loss, I must now similarly suffer. (So must the dog, too, one could convincingly argue.)

Lunacy, you say? Bizarre? A little mean, even?

Well, I agree, but it’s no different than the “logic” of a hot argument currently being hoisted up the right-wing extremists’ flagpole, which goes like this: Because private sector employees’ pension plans suck, public employees’ retirement plans must also be gutted. (Disclosure time: I work as an analyst for the California state government.)

I really should say “allegedly suck,” because the proponents of this nonsensical non sequitur don’t seem too interested in supporting their assertion with pesky little things like facts.

In a rare (unprecedented?) occurrence, I will, however, concede this point to my opponents. Given the ongoing all-out assault on organized labor by America’s plutocrats, the decimation of golden years dreams wrought by nifty little implosions like the Enron scandal, and outright default as exemplified by the federal Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation’s takeover this month of United Airlines’ ground employees’ pension plan (adding another $2-plus billion to PBGC’s existing $23 billion deficit which most likely will be funded by you-know-who), it is irrefutable that decent (or even indecent) retirement plans are quickly becoming as rare as a coherent musing from Dubya.

Call me an uncritical thinker regarding Americans’ demonstrated critical thinking skills (or not, because it is kind of unwieldy and even the acronym, UTRADCTS, though shorter, is difficult to pronounce), but I would imagine most folks, upon learning that American workers keep getting screwed, would think: “Wow. American workers keep getting screwed. It’s time for them to unite and demand of the conscienceless corporations whose CEOs ‘earn’ over 500 times the average worker’s wage that guaranteed retirement benefits are provided for those whose efforts enable upper crust management’s continued purchases of perfectly-patterned $6,000 shower curtains: their employees.”

Plainly, I am nuts. Because, as noted, the mantra being repeated these days is that the most normal thing in the world for people who toil for a company for 30 or 40 years is to expect, upon retirement, well, nothing, really. Not only that, but anyone who is counting on retiring with even a modicum of pension-provided comfort is an enemy of the state and must be taught a very harsh lesson by, say, being subjected to water-boarding or forced to watch seven straight hours of The O’Reilly Factor. (Both interrogation techniques, it seems, have been approved by U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales despite A.G. A.G.’s reported reservations about the latter as possibly being too “inhumane.”)

The folks who cooked up and disseminated this argument are, of course, none other than America’s Rovian Republicans, the uber-wealthy, corporate-suckled, PNAC-influenced nimrods who gave us Iraq, record deficits, and chronic anal retention, fronted by the ultimate silver-spooner himself, George W. “Peter Principle Personified” Bush, a guy who’s never worked an honest day in his life (though his total of dishonest ones is quite impressive). Keep in mind, too, that none of these supercilious super-privileged will ever have to worry, in the face of no incomin’ income, about someday being confronted with the heart-rending dilemma of just exactly who gets the larger portion of the Alpo hearty chicken, rice, and fish meal combo dinner some despairing night: you or Spot. (That is, if the poor mutt’s not already undergone a sympathy dispatch.)

Our local paper, the Sacramento Bee, has been beating the public-employees-are-bloodsucking-scum drum for months. Here’s a real beaut from a recent editorial: “Under current law, a 30-year school employee, say a janitor, cafeteria worker or classroom aide, can retire at age 55 with 60 percent of pay, a benefit far richer than what most workers in private industry receive.”

Yeah, boy, that’s some gilded gravy train, all right. A guy cleans toilets, picks up trash, and fends off spitballs for a measly three decades, finishes his easy street career by topping out at, let’s say, a kingly three grand a month (if he’s lucky), and then lives like a profligate Saudi prince afterwards on a stratospheric $1800 per! Man, where do I sign up to get a piece of that action?

In reality, if this pension formula is “far richer” than what average U.S. workers anywhere get after workin’ away for the man night and day during the best years of their lives, then it sure ain’t America’s custodians who threaten society’s stability; it’s the corporate top hogs who are gettin’ fatter as they gluttonously devour the fruits of American labor while contemptuously, steadfastly, and destructively refusing to let loose with a fair deal for those whose toil enables such continued excess.

Sad to say, though, the deliberate hornswoggling of the proles by the filthy rich (and richly filthy) like Bush, Dick Cheney, and just about anyone else who thinks it capital(istic) to use up, shake down, and throw away American working stiffs, is obviously working.

Here’s part of an e-mail I got the other day commenting on a recent piece of mine about Arnold Schwarzeneggeronner calling California state workers “evil” and proposing to exorcise us all by converting our extremely well-run pension fund to private fleecing plans -- uh, retirement accounts:

“…why should those who work protected from recessions be rewarded better than us in private industry? Some of my friends recently retired from the Fire department, and one from the Sheriff’s dept. Both get nearly 80% of their regular salary, plus medical benefits. To add insult, they were promoted just prior to retirement.”

By jiminy, that’s a real slap in the face, all right. (Especially when one’s “friends” engage in such despicable behavior; please, don’t invite me to that party.) When these parasitic law enforcement and firefighting guys and gals finish their careers of routinely saving lives, protecting property, and rescuing kitty cats, they should have to go out and go dumpster diving just like so many other proud, “personally responsible” Americans. (I have to ask: These wouldn’t be the same cops and firefighters Americans were falling all over themselves lionizing just a short time ago, would they?)

Just what the hell is going on here? Is such twisted thinking symptomatic of some new disorder, like, say, BALLS (Battered American Lowly Laborer Syndrome), which leaves the afflicted piss-ant worker eagerly anticipating the next full-on kick from his corporate master? If so, the sufferer also appears beset by a co-dependence so crippling that, rather than seeking relief by going after the actual offender, he instead is inexplicably compelled to assist in exposing his fellow laborer’s backside (the part of anatomy where the ever-atrophying wallet is) to similar mistreatment to make sure yet another poor overworked American ass gets Da Man’s point(ed boot).

What I don’t get is this: How long do the greed addicts running our country think they’re going to live? I mean, at some point, don’t their hourglasses run out of sand, too? How does it make sense to spend every waking hour, and undoubtedly plenty of sleeping ones in their customized coffins (Yale traditions are hard to break), deviously devising ways to deprive us of material comfort and security we need (only after brainwashing us from day one to buy as many useless goods as we don’t need) when, someday, they go *poof* just like us peons?

Maybe that’s the key: maybe they’re not really humans, after all, but some sort of long-lived alien race that is hooked on acquiring massive amounts of (literally) universal currencies, real estate, and DVDs, led by a strange-looking, smirking, triple-tongue-twisted leader (inarticulate in his native language, too, I’m thinkin’). I’m firmly convinced any American who can devise an alien detector would make millions of dollars and thus stave off indentured servitude for another couple weeks. (The silver lining: At least we’d know we’re not the only planet with fascists.)

Whatever their excuse, the fact is, that dog don’t hunt. Nothing justifies the immoral war being waged against us U.S. wage-earners.

To my e-mailer and millions of other wide-asleep Americans: Wake up! You are being heinously used and abused, and the shrinking numbers of your fairly-compensated fellow workers are not your enemies; they are your hope, and your allies. The heartless ones who exploit, have contempt for, and shaft you and your loved ones are your real foes, and we must all work together (UNIONIZE!) to assure that fair wages, benefits, and, yes, even retirement plans are guaranteed for all American workers. Once that happens, we’re all winners.

Including my dog.

Copyright © 2005 Mark Drolette. All rights reserved.

Hey, look at me, everybody: I’m evil! Who’s next?

I knew it was only a matter of time before I was publicly identified as a scourge to society, and now it’s happened. According to Arnold Schwarzenegger, I am evil.

No one’s called me that since my first marriage, I don’t think. Or was it my second? Come to think of it, maybe it was both; I can never remember. Oh well, it doesn’t really matter (sometimes a failing memory is a good thing); Arnie has certainly left no doubt where he stands, even if he needs lifts to do it. (That’s a cheap crack, I know, but I’m wicked, remember?)

The basis for my purported iniquity: I work as an analyst for the State of California and belong to the state’s largest public employees union, the California State Employees Association. (Apparently, I am one of those lucky demons that doesn’t spontaneously combust in daylight.)

Arnold leveled his charge during a speech at the recent GOP state convention. Gary Delsohn of the Sacramento Bee reports: “Vowing to pass four broad government-overhaul measures at a special election later this year, Schwarzenegger said public employee labor unions and other foes are amassing $200 million to fight him.”

(Part of Arnie’s grand plan to “help the people” is to gut the smooth-running state employees’ and teachers’ pension plans a la his Bushmaster’s Social Security privatizing scam. The estimated tab for this irregular election is between $50 million and $70 million, which is some kind of special, all right.)

Delsohn quotes Schwarzenbraggart thusly: “They [teacher and public employee labor unions] have been fighting all along. This is nothing new. The only thing is that politicians up until now were worried about tackling those kind [sic] of problems.

“That’s why they fixed a little here, a little there. But now we’re going to the source. We’re going right there where all the evil is, and we’re going to fix this problem once and for all.”

Piling on the charm, Arnie accused his political opposites in the Democratic-controlled legislature of being on either “sleeping pills” or “medication.” He then said the evil unions “know that my approval rating is in the 60s. The legislators’ (are) in the 30s…and you will see all those TV ads and those radio ads and those newspaper ads just to try to bring my poll numbers down.

“Those poor little guys…The reality is that they’re not going to get my numbers down…”

I must say, I’ve not seen humility like this since, well, never, really. I learned, too, from Arnie’s speech that being governor is not about serving the people; it’s about polling well. (For the record, those untouchable figures have slipped ten percentage points since September 2004.)

Those in attendance ate up old Arnold’s old act, naturally. If there’s one thing (in addition to grabbing power) in which today’s well-heeled, black-hearted extremists in GOP garb delight, it’s the chance to somehow cram an extra million or three into their already-overstuffed pockets or hold onto every single dime they have, no matter the cost to others. (Maybe especially because of the cost to others.)

There’s no disputing California is in dire fiscal straits: The state has had a deficit of billions of dollars for several years running. Never mind, though, that the shortfall was begat by the double body blow of first the stock market tanking (especially the high-tech sector headquartered in Silicon Valley) which in turn reduced the state’s tax receipts, and then the monumental gang-rape we Californians all received in the form of a fabricated energy “crisis” four years back that screwed us collectively out of at least $9 billion, spearheaded by none other than Dubya pal Ken “Still Free and Not Evil, No Sir” Lay of Enron. (It’s such a small world: E-mails confirm Schwarzenliar met with Lay during the seamy reaming; Arnie says he can’t remember.)

Nonetheless, Arnie is now stumping to paint teachers and public employees as responsible for all ills that bedevil our once-great state, and is doing so by employing a tactic much beloved by fascists and contemporary Republicans (sorry for the redundancy): scapegoating.

Marking a (false) common enemy is the second-oldest trick in the book, with the first oldest originally turned by a member of a profession that, interestingly, shares many of the same business practices favored by politicians today.

So, what, exactly, do I cook up in my little cubicle that has Schwarzenshyster proclaiming my malevolence? Well, it is vile, but here goes: I grant credentials to California’s public school teachers by utilizing my knowledge of arcane regulations, evaluating college transcripts and other sundry materials, and then determining whether applicants qualify for any of the 49 types of educator-related documents issued by the state. At night, I return to my creepy house on the hill and feed the bats.

Diabolical, huh?

Here’s the really wicked part: I actually believe I should be fairly compensated for it. More evil still, I think the state should honor its contract I signed by providing my promised pension when I retire.

So, whaddya think: a silver bullet, stake through the heart, or cross to the forehead?

This is the first piece I’ve written on Schwarzenreneger, as most of my past energy has been directed toward exposing the fascists in the White House. Heady from that success, I thought I’d for once do a little California soul-searching and focus on our inner governor.

I’m not swimming in completely uncharted waters, though, since obvious similarities exist between the man who would be president if only he were elected to the position, and the bad actor who saved his worst performance for the state Capitol: each speaks strangely, hails from a foreign land (Arnie from Austria, Dubya from Texas), and is obviously full onboard with the GOP and its (lame)braintrust’s all-consuming quests for evermore power and wealth, regardless of who suffers.

It is that last part that is -- well, how do I put this? -- somewhat problematic, but only, of course, in the very narrow sense that it obliterates everything good and decent in a given society.

Bizarrely, that’s the point. Despite all their barely-intelligible rhetoric (on a good day), Arnie and his partner in bad grammar are uncomfortable with working folks living comfortably. In some weird neo-survival-of-the-fittest-ism, they’re intent on making an already difficult existence for the grossly over-burdened lower and middle classes even more exhausting, perhaps because they figure it’s hard to storm the Bastille when you’re spent from working three jobs and your feet really hurt. (That can only be counted on for so long, however.)

For instance: George W. Bush is doing his utmost to enact confidant Grover Norquist‘s plan to “starve the [federal government] beast”; Arnie says, likewise, “we don’t want to feed the [state government] monster.” Bush has gone full-bore after organized labor; Arnie is doing it now. Bush has targeted trial lawyers (but not corporate ones) as destructive to society; Arnie constantly rails against “special interests.” (In Schwarzenworld, however, those who’ve thrown a record number of dollars his way aren’t among them, yet, strangely, nurses are. This from a man who, in a recall election costing California millions of dollars only months after the regular election, [correctly] belittled former Governor Gray Davis as an extreme example of a pol-for-hire.)

And, then, of course, there is Bush’s fantastically corrupt push to privatize Social Security, with Arnie mirroring that move by trying to do the same with the state employees’ pension fund (managed by CalPERS) worth $182 billion, and the state teachers’ retirement fund (managed by CalSTRS) valued at $124 billion.

I went to a town hall meeting recently that was hosted by GOP Congressman Dan Lungren, with Social Security as the main topic. It really was a wonder watching him comparing, with the straightest of faces, the federal employees defined contribution pension fund (the Thrift Savings Plan) to private retirement accounts. There’s only one problem: no similarity exists. One is a huge account, run by a handful of knowledgeable investment experts and holding immense fiscal sway; the other is a vast sea of millions of lone, unconnected investors akin to free-floating plankton just waiting to be consumed by schools of hungry plankton-consuming creatures that look a lot like, um, big Wall Street investment firms. (Note: This is an excellent example of an analogy that has imploded. Unfortunately, the neighborhood analogy repair shop was closed by the time this column was submitted for publication.)

The GOP plan, in a nutshell: Cut the power, grab the money. Dilute and loot. This is why unions are especially reviled: with their strength in numbers of people and dollars, they are among the very few real threats left to total Republican/fascist domination.

Cal PERS and CalSTRS aren’t unions, of course. However, they just happen to oversee tons of cash legally committed to thousands of union members who are overwhelmingly opposed to Arnie’s Bush behavior. Never mind both funds are healthy, well-run, and have superbly fulfilled their designated purposes for years. For the new robber barons, that is entirely beside the point, which Schwarzenstealer himself emphatically underscored recently when he summarily dismissed four appointees from the CalSTRS board who dared join six other (of twelve total) board members in opposing his rotten scheme.

Here’s something I’ve often wondered as I’ve watched the Bushies and minions like Schwarzenmugger go about their dirty business of dismantling our society: What does their ultimate dream world look like? Do they see it as clusters of spotless gated communities, full of soirees and endless discussions of stock options, while the unwashed masses outside scramble to bury their dead? Do they expect their high walls to magically stop disease and unpleasant things, like unwanted pregnancies and Jerry Springer? Does their unsurpassed arrogance allow them to believe they somehow will avoid breathing poisoned air or find fish to eat that contain no mercury? Might they think the rejoinder “Let them eat cake!” will actually work this time?

Considering how things are shaping up, with the ever-richer rich buying macmansions and real mansions and monster mansions, could they possibly be thinking that maybe the days of castles and moats and drawbridges and private armies and fiefdoms and serfs weren’t so bad after all, that perhaps that sort of lifestyle actually has a kind of quaint attractiveness to it and a return to those days might be a good thing?

Well…yes. And they’re in luck, because this sort of neo-feudalism is taking shape right now. A friend says America’s current moneyed extremists harbor nostalgia for the good old days -- like the 13th century. You know, when it was a lot easier to call someone evil and have it stick.

Yes, ‘twas a time, verily, of mystery, magic, and mountains of wholesale hokum. In other words, perfect for the Bushies and ilk, and one can almost feel their yearning for that simple(minded) era when one considers their actions in this age (the one we actually live in):

Learned scientists issuing credible warnings about the environment? Fie on them! And then fire them, and send in the faith-based shills. A trusted servant publicly refuting part of the king’s war rationale is wedded to a loyal agent of the realm? Out with her name and off with her cred! Protesting citizens declaring the emperor wears no clothes? Strip them bare of their rights (and signs), then arrest and persecute them! Wicked traitors all, and may plague and pox visit all their vile hovels (especially the gay ones’). Hie away the heathens, but not ere their kin and lucre are confiscated so the unmolested global slaughter and pillaging may continue, all in the name of peace and some weird religion, of course.

Perhaps, though, these power players have not pondered this particular point: even the public appears peccant. For example, I’d wager that a fair percentage of the state’s fiendish peasant-citizens believe having licensed teachers in classrooms is actually a good idea, that educators should first complete state-accredited teacher preparation programs, and, yes, that skilled analysts should indeed then determine whether or not prospective teachers have met legal credentialing requirements before instructing California’s little Stephanies and Stevies (or Starshines and Stokeleys; it is California, after all).

I’d also propose that my fellow Golden Staters are so debauched they actually prefer having breathable air, clean water, highways and bridges constructed and repaired, dams maintained, social services available, professionals licensed, vehicles registered, trucks weighed, roads patrolled, education provided, the disadvantaged cared for, prisoners housed, consumers protected, certain businesses regulated (I could name a few), polluters stopped, natural disasters responded to, parks open, crimes prosecuted, the state’s interests protected against the feds (not that that would ever be necessary, of course), fisheries nurtured, bays dredged, (sane) laws enforced, and so on, and, going sinfully all the way, I’d even assert they are so depraved they support fairly compensating those who perform these and other duties.

Not that a lot of the above is going swimmingly well in California right now anyway, mind you, much to residents’ dissatisfaction and disadvantage, yet for the Bushes and Schwarzengaggers of our dark time, even the current low level of service is too much, for in their greenback-fevered craniums, every dollar that goes toward such populace-desired government services is one less dollar not yet siphoned off to them and their crooked corporate cronies.

Beware: this is not just a “California thing.” If it works here, it will come to a town or state near you -- like the very one in which you live -- to convince you what a great idea it is to stick it to public employees by making their jobs and futures insecure, making Wall Street and Big Business wealthier, and, oh yeah, by also reducing the quality of just about every public service you currently expect and deserve, since folks generally aren’t real keen on working for a government employer who a) can’t wait to “privatize” everything in sight, b) doesn’t respect contracts, and c) thinks it the height of cleverness to grinningly call Americans “evil.”

So, then, who is truly wicked? Well, after the reading of forbidden texts, examination of pulsating pentagrams, and viewing of lots of Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns, leading demonologists agree: the calculated destruction of a civilized societal structure and total disregard of citizens’ well-being are far more evil than, say, public employees providing crucial services and then, my pretty, expecting just recompense in return.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go boil some newts.

Copyright © 2005 Mark Drolette. All rights reserved.